Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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