So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
