he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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