its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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