For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
