Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
