why didn't you poke me back
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
