I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
