Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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