I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
