I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
