You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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