if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
