What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
