I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Randomize