Umm I'm too high to move.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
