I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
why do cheetos always look like penises
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
