I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
