At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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