if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
