Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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