Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
