When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
