We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Small penises have feelings too.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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