Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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