he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
