If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize