It's like God shit irony all over that family
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
