She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
