I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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