oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
