Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
