i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
