It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Randomize
