i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize