I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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