I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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