Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
