she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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