She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You made out with two different species that night
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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