I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
she told me i tasted like america
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
