I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
