I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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