Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
