he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
