i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
