he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
