Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
