I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
