Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
