apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
