Where are you?
In a non slutty way
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Randomize
