I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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