Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
