I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
