That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
So squirting runs in the family.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize