Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
