So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
