At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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