I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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