i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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