Moan for me like Helen Keller
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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