Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
