The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
