new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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