Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
