atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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