When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
