I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
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