Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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