I wannas sexs uuuuu
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
