You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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