It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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