I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
