I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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