i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
