i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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