Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
