after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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